I study by candlelight to remind myself just how fast the sun goes down. The
empty chemistry worksheet clouds my mind with bitterness, the blank
void smudged and grayed with pencil markings (like the endless
void in her heart that I can’t seem to satisfy), evidence of my
unsuccessful abilities at solving complex problems.
My pencil is musty with sweat. I thought
I was good at science. But I guess
I was good at science
six years ago.
Six years ago, I was gifted.
Sixteen years ago, I was a gift
to my family.
Family–
the people who I used to relax around have turned into
the people who make my blood cold when they ask me how I am
and I wish they
didn’t know what I was capable of because now they just tell me
“You could if you tried harder.”
But what do I do if my body seems to
give up long before my mind does? I don’t know how to tell you that the results are
not matching the amount of energy I take just to
fathom understanding, so all the work just goes
unseen.
-----------
And each morning, I wake up
no matter how late I stayed up
and it’s always to the thought of seeing you.
It’s silly how my heart flutters out of my chest when I get caught staring,
but is it just me, or are you looking at me too?
How could I fall for someone so suddenly? I met you almost
six years ago, yet it’s only now that I feel true chemistry.
I may not be good at solving complex problems,
but I wish there was a way I could calculate the percent error
of my heart because I might just be imagining things, and you
don’t actually care.
Maybe it’s not a big deal,
whether or not these feelings are real.
Maybe I’m just trying to make up for the part of my heart that feels
unseen.
I may be quiet most of the time, but
if only you knew what goes on in my mind
Then maybe you could be the remedy to all my problems, a solution to all the
Chemistry.
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