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Chemistry | Josephyn Liao (11)

I study by candlelight to remind myself just how fast the sun goes down. The 

empty chemistry worksheet clouds my mind with bitterness, the blank 

void smudged and grayed with pencil markings (like the endless 

void in her heart that I can’t seem to satisfy), evidence of my 

unsuccessful abilities at solving complex problems. 


My pencil is musty with sweat. I thought 

I was good at science. But I guess

I was good at science 

six years ago. 

Six years ago, I was gifted. 

Sixteen years ago, I was a gift 

to my family. 


Family–

the people who I used to relax around have turned into

the people who make my blood cold when they ask me how I am

and I wish they 

didn’t know what I was capable of because now they just tell me


“You could if you tried harder.”

But what do I do if my body seems to 

give up long before my mind does? I don’t know how to tell you that the results are 

not matching the amount of energy I take just to 

fathom understanding, so all the work just goes 

unseen.

-----------

And each morning, I wake up 

no matter how late I stayed up 

and it’s always to the thought of seeing you. 

It’s silly how my heart flutters out of my chest when I get caught staring,

but is it just me, or are you looking at me too? 


How could I fall for someone so suddenly? I met you almost 

six years ago, yet it’s only now that I feel true chemistry. 

I may not be good at solving complex problems, 

but I wish there was a way I could calculate the percent error 

of my heart because I might just be imagining things, and you 

don’t actually care.


Maybe it’s not a big deal,

whether or not these feelings are real.

Maybe I’m just trying to make up for the part of my heart that feels 

unseen.


I may be quiet most of the time, but

if only you knew what goes on in my mind

Then maybe you could be the remedy to all my problems, a solution to all the 

Chemistry.  

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