It was a crisp autumn morning. Lila packed up her purple backpack and her brown paper bag lunch and headed towards the door. She got into the front seat of her father’s Honda Civic and waited for him to come out and drive her to school. They lived in an affluent suburb, but Lila’s family lived in the more modest part of town. She did not have her own car like many of the other kids in her high school and relied on her parents to take her to and from school.
Lila dreaded school. It was a constant dread from Sunday night to Friday afternoon. It was not the academics that caused her anxiety as she was a straight “A” student, but the social aspects of school that made her feel sick each day. The hallway in the morning by her locker, the cafeteria at lunch, the few minutes in each class before the bell rang when all the kids were talking to each other, and the parking lot after school where everyone congregated to discuss plans were the worst. Lila was extremely shy. She often felt unseen because no one at school talked with her or acknowledged her existence. She would sit at a random cafeteria table at lunch and listen to the kids talk about their weekends or the homecoming dance or a party they attended. No one seemed to mind having these discussions while she was around. It was as though she was invisible.
She was never invited to parties or asked to go out. Lila longed for some friends, but no one was drawn to the quiet, shy girl with good grades. It was a lonely existence and so Lila focused completely on her academics. She figured that since she could not control her social situation, she could certainly try and control her grades. She was an excellent student and put a lot of pressure on herself to get straight As. It was self-imposed pressure since her parents did not require or expect perfect grades. However, in Lila’s mind, her grades were the only thing about her that were not invisible.
Lila knew who everyone was at school. She knew everyone’s name in her grade and who they hung out with during the day. She was a keen observer and listener. Since the kids ignored her, they never noticed when she listened in on their conversations. This was a perk of being invisible as she was able to stay current with all the gossip. For the most part, though, the feeling of being unseen everyday ate away at her self-confidence and made her feel unworthy. Lila’s low self-esteem prevented her from participating in clubs and other high school activities as she felt she was not a valued member of her class. She found herself wishing the time away---often thinking to herself: “I just have to get through this week or I just need to make it until winter break.” The feelings of sadness and loneliness at school were overwhelming at times, but her loving family was always there to support her at home. Home was her safe place—her happy place. She loved to be at home.
Despite Lila’s excellent grades and high class ranking, one boy in her AP English class jokingly stated that she would probably become a nun or a librarian when she grew up because she was so quiet. Lila was deeply impacted by these words. How could someone that did not even know her make such a judgment about her future? How could someone try and predict her future based on the current version of herself? Lila was insulted by this boy’s prediction of her future. She did not want to be defined by being invisible in high school. She wanted more in her life. It was these words by this random boy that angrily motivated her to continue to do well in school and seek out a more well-rounded life. She silently thought to herself that she would show him. She would show them all. She would take her quiet, shy, invisible self and do great things because being invisible in high school does not define you.
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