I'm a fantastic magician. I can disappear in the blink of an eye. But that's the only trick I know. Nobody would come see me if I decided to put on a show. Am I being cryptic? Do you want to know if I'm being literal or not? Well, alright then. Let me show you what I mean.
It was a sunny day, but not altogether bright. The sky was hiding itself behind a smattering of clouds, but somehow that was enough cover to make me completely invisible. At least ten people tried to walk right through me, or so I'd swear if you asked me. Nobody asked, though, so I kept my mouth shut. I was on my way to my local library, hoping to pick up a book that I'd placed on hold. The library was one of those places that looked older than it really was, since the walls were all scuffed as if they were ancient, but the architecture suggested it wasn't old at all. The ventilation systems were pretty extreme. In winter, the library was as warm as the inside of a hearth, and in the summer, it was like walking inside a popsicle. It was early summer at the moment, so I figured neither the air conditioning or heating would be on, meaning the inside of the building would feel roughly the same temperature as the outside did. It was nice enough to wear a t-shirt while feeling a minor chill, which was a kind of temperature I enjoyed. I was debating whether I should take a stroll through the dusty wooden shelves after picking up my book or not, when the appearance of a certain individual precluded my plans.
It was a well-dressed young man who looked to be in his twenties standing outside the library. I nodded to him as I passed, thinking little of it, when all of a sudden, he lunged forward and grabbed my arm. I started, expecting to be pulled back, but instead, his hand passed right through me.
"You saw me!," he exclaimed, brown eyes sparking. "You saw me. Everybody else in this town has ignored me. Can you tell me where I am please? And what year is it?"
"I- uh, yeah," I said, attempting to regain my composure. "It's the year twenty twenty three, and you're in a nameless little town in Ohio."
"I see," said the man. "Twenty three... twenty three... Wait, twenty twenty three? As in, two zero two three? Have I been gone that long? And how does this town not have a name?"
"Nobody ever bothered to name this town because its population has always been ridiculously low."
"That's dumb," the man muttered. "But wait! My family- they should still be waiting for me, so I- I..." He trailed off, squinting as if trying to catch sight of something too distant to see.
"What's going on with you?," I asked bluntly. "You said everyone ignored you, and you didn't know where you were, or what year it was. And when you tried to touch me, your hand went right through my arm. Are you a ghost?"
The man's eyes widened as if he hadn't considered that possibility. "A ghost!," he remarked. “There's an idea. That would make a lot of sense. But I never believed in ghosts."
"I'm not sure that it matters at this point," I said, poking a finger straight through his chest. "See? You're incorporeal."
"Oh," he said. "Please stop that, it tickles. I just realized, I never introduced myself, but I've already caused you so much trouble. My name is Cassius, it's nice to meet you."
"Okay," I said, unable to take the situation seriously. "I'm Kura."
burden off your shoulders for a while. I can be your reason to continue, at least until our mission is completed."
I blinked, a little surprised at the dramatic words he used. Then I laughed. "It's so stupid,” I said. "I'll help you. This whole thing is so stupid."
Cassius smiled a little, but with some discomfort. "I'm glad," he said simply.
Perhaps this is a good time to backtrack a little bit. I never did explain my current situation very well. Ever since I was born, I've lived like an app running in the background of a phone, left to my own devices. The result is a messy human being with little to no sense of connection with the world around her. I never could bring myself to feel deep compassion for those around me. The closest I've ever gotten to understanding compassion is through my newfound friendship with Cassius.
One might say, "How does that make any sense? How can a teenager be in such a situation?" Believe me, I don't know either. It's almost supernatural, like Cassius said. Why have I managed to scrape by in this manner for sixteen years? Why hasn't there been a positive influence in my life until this point? Like I said, I don't know the answer. I find it incredibly stupid that it took meeting a ghost- the unlikeliest phenomenon- to change my life. Until I met Cassius, I had nearly given up hope of ever being acknowledged by the outside world, and I was convinced that if I disappeared it would make no difference to anyone around me. I didn't feel a need to try and gain attention since it never even seemed like an option. Somehow, Cassius convinced me that I could connect with the world if I really tried. He convinced me that I could fight against the invisible mirror that hid me from the world's eye. He planted in my mind the desire to be seen, heard, and understood, something which had been missing from my conscience for years.
Cassius was with me for over a year. Since the day I agreed to help him, he followed me around and pointed things out to me. He convinced me to approach people and speak to them directly. At first, it yielded barely anything. Even when I faced a person directly, spoke out loud, and held my posture with confidence, something caused their gaze to slide to the side, for them to dismiss my words with startling quickness. A little spark went off inside me each time, a tiny flash of frustration that I took as a good sign. At least I was feeling something other than cynical blankness. Cassius continued to encourage me, and soon I could hold conversations with other people better than ever before. My voice, once weak with disuse, became stronger.
But I still had not one friend among the living. Unless I stood in their face or tapped them on the shoulder, other people would simply not acknowledge my presence. I was consistently almost marked absent in my classes, as the teachers' eyes glazed right over me. I confided my frustrations to Cassius in the dark of my room, when my parents were downstairs doing their own things.
"I never tried to get their attention because I knew I'd only be frustrated like this," I despaired. “I guess a part of me always wanted to be acknowledged, but it was so much easier to just seal that part of me away. At least when I wasn't trying, I couldn't be disappointed."
"But it's good to be disappointed," Cassius countered. "That's the first step to finding the solution. When one thing disappoints you, it's an opportunity to search even harder for something that will satisfy you."
"I don't know if I agree," I countered. "It takes a different kind of person to have that kind of hope.”
Then there came a turning point in the whole investigation. I was walking down the street, aiming to get home after another trip to the library (on this occasion, I was returning the book No Longer Human, which I had borrowed again after Cassius expressed an interest in reading it). It was another bright and sunny day, in the summertime now, and flowers bloomed in pots at storefronts, and people walked about with little reservation in their manners. I walked down a broad sidewalk lined with bookshops, cafes, delis, and restaurants. As I passed a parking lot, I heard the sound of crying coming from somewhere nearby. I turned, and realized there was someone there I had failed to see the first time. It was a young boy with curly black hair. On his brown cheek there bloomed a dark bruise, and on his knee there glared a sharp red scrape. His shorts had rough and torn edges, and his shirt was smudged with soil. He was sitting by himself in front of a shop window, his little body shaking with the force of his tears. I knelt down in front of him.
"Hey," I said, as gently as I could. "Hey, what's your name?" I reached out and tapped his shaking his shoulder.
The kid looked up at me, still hiccuping through his tears. He didn't say a word, perhaps recalling an elementary lesson in stranger danger. But he did hold eye contact with me, which was a good sign.
"My name is Kura," I said. "What's your's?"
"I'm Sean," he said, almost whispering.
"It's good to meet you, Sean," I said, still trying to use the most soothing voice I could. "Do you know where your parents are?"
He shook his head.
"Did you fall down and get hurt?”
He paused, then nodded.
"Alright,” I said. "Well, first things first. Let's clean up your knee, okay? I'm sure there's someone nice around here who can give you a band-aid. Can you stand up for me?"
Sean nodded again, and took the hand I offered him as he pushed himself to his feet. The top of his head only reached the middle of my thigh. I wondered how old he was.
Cassius followed us as I guided Sean into the nearest shop. It was a cafe. The smell of coffee and croissants permeated the place, and quiet jazz played in the background. I took Sean to the bathroom in the back and got his knee clean, though it was a lot of effort- I had to pick him up and balance him on the edge of the sink to get the water to run over the wound. But once it was done, I dabbed the abrasion dry with a paper towel, and brought him back outside. I found the cashier and asked for a band-aid. The cashier took a moment to register the both of us, then nodded and brought the band-aid back to us.
"Here," he said, handing it over. I thanked him and pressed the bandaid over Sean's knee.
"Does it feel better?," I asked.
He nodded. "My face hurts," he said. Right, the bruise on his cheek. I'd almost forgotten.
"How did you get that?," I asked.
"The kids at school," he said, his voice breaking a little. "They don't like me."
Well, that made two of us, I supposed. "I'm sorry,” I said. "Did they hit you?" "Yeah," he said.
"Have you gone home yet? Do your parents know where you are?"
"Really? Why is that?"
I looked down at Sean.
"Katie called me annoying," he said. "And the kids at school said I'm gross."
"Also, Katie apparently doesn't come by every day, and I'm under the impression that she's supposed to," I added.
"Oh my!" Sean's mother looked furious. "Thank you very much for telling me that. I had no idea. I'll have to find Sean a new babysitter at once." She paused, her gaze fixing on me intently. I froze, sudden apprehension locking my knees.
"Actually, Kura," Sean's mom said. Here it comes, I thought, fighting the urge to look to Cassius for guidance. "Would you like to be Sean's new babysitter?"
I opened my mouth to reply, but nothing came out. On the third try, I finally managed to croak out, "Sure."
"Great!" Sean's mom smiled. She turned to Sean. "Sean, honey, come inside." She looked back at me. "I'm gonna get a notepad and a pen real quick, if you don't mind waiting for a second."
"Sure," I said again. Sean and his mother disappeared into the house. While I waited, I noticed that the lawn was slightly overgrown. Garden gnome statues sat beneath the windows, which had decorative stickers of cartoon characters on them. The house's pale exterior was bright in the evening light, and I watched a squirrel run across the stones of the path that led to the front door. The police car was still waiting by the gate.
I snapped back to attention when Sean's mom appeared again. "Here," she said. "If you wouldn't mind writing down a phone number or email address I can reach you at, that would be wonderful!"
I thought for a second, then scribbled down my email address. I didn't have a phone number yet. I was working on it, though.
"Thanks again for taking care of Sean," said Sean's mother, smiling at me. I was struck by the sincerity of her expression.
"It was no problem," I said, bowing slightly.
I turned away from Sean's house, trying (again) to avoid looking at Cassius. He trailed behind me, still silent. The officer explained to me that he hadn't left because he thought I would need a ride home too- and as it turned out, I did. Once I was home, I stepped past my mother, who was cooking in the kitchen, and my father, who was washing dishes at the sink. Neither of them noticed me enter the house. That was normal. And this time, I kind of preferred it. Probably because my blood was tumbling with more anxiety than usual today.
In my room, I turned to face Cassius at last, notebook in hand.
"So, did you remember something?," I asked, seating myself on the edge of my bed.
"I remembered everything," he said. His eyes were dark with emotion. "It was because what you did for Sean was parallel to what a kind girl once did for me."
He launched straight into his story, without needing my prompt.
"See, when I was a little older than Sean, I was getting bullied at school like he was. My parents were very loving people, just as his are. They tried to keep me safe from harm, and tried to make me the most successful person they could. That couldn't stop others from trying to hurt me, out of envy or perhaps out of something else, I was never quite sure. One day, when I was hurting just like Sean was, crying by myself in a secluded spot, a girl I had never met before came to help me. She was a few years
"My time is long over, but I'll wait for you wherever I end up next. I hope we'll meet again, Kura," Cassius said warmly.
"I hope so too," I said, returning his bittersweet smile.
Even as his figure faded into transparency, he floated forward and wrapped his incorporeal arms around me.
"Live well," he said. I felt water in my eyes as I tried to hug him back, my arms going right through his fading image and finally grasping at nothing but air.
I remained standing still for a while longer. All at once, my first friend and my guide to life was gone. Then again, he'd been gone for a while. Two thousand twelve. How ironic that the one who taught me to live wasn't even alive.
For the first time in a long time, tears fell. But for the first time since I could remember, I had a sense of hope for the future as I wept, rather than a crushing sense of despair. I couldn't help but smile. That was the effect Cassius had.
I will see you again, my friend. Whenever I finish my final act, I'll be looking for you in the audience.
Comments