Part One: Woeful Beginnings
Speak to me, O’ Great Calliope,
Of the brave maiden Ise,
The traveler of worlds,
The singer of harmony,
The master of reality.
Once naught but a poor wretch,
Enslaved by powerful forces.
Now a resurrected heroine,
Holding fate by its own chains.
By the merciful and cruel hand of god,
The pitiful Ise Kai began a great quest,
Purifying a wretched town plagued by paranoia,
Conquering a bedeviled cave filled with strange allures,
Freeing a mighty dragon cursed by ancient forces…
And finally, after a glorious return,
Defeating the evil powers that once held her in thrall!
A veritable goddess, this Ise Kai, of a heart kind and true!
Hear, brethren, the tale of Ise!
The grand tale of beautiful, courageous Ise Kai!
Our story starts on the streets of a strange land,
In a city by the name of Tokyo,
Where monstrosities of metal scrape the sky,
And great hollow dragons roar above,
Both forever enslaved to the descendants
Of their clever creators.
But even with such luxuries at hand,
Not all was well for our heroine Ise Kai.
As she lay in the darkness,
Illuminated only by the artificial stars
Of the glimmering Tokyo night,
A terrible panic gripped her,
Plaguing her with knowledge of the trials to come.
Another grueling ordeal awaited—
Another wretched day of misery.
For Ise was a young thrall known as
“High-schooler,”
And her enemies were her friends.
Day after day she suffered,
Succumbing to the great forces that held her captive:
An invisible, yet fearsome power wielded by her allies,
Forcing her to partake in their dark revelries.
An occulted figure that came to her at night,
Crushing her will to rise the following morn,
A restless arachnid which crawled in her stomach,
Inducing a terror she could not explain.
“I cannot escape,”
Fretted poor Ise,
Liquid crystal dripping from her eyes
As she tried to tear them away
From the glowing rectangle in her hand.
For in it she could see
A world far more beautiful than hers,
A world of brave heroes and fair dragons and beautiful maidens—
A world that was not noisy nonsense,
Unlike her own.
“Why can’t I be there?”
She wept,
“Why must this be my reality?
O’ Great Kami,
You are quite unfair!”
And unbeknownst to little Ise,
Her pitiful sobs gave birth
To a small, golden prayer,
Which rang throughout the universe,
Ascending high into the realm of the gods.
Hearing her tragedy at once,
The Great Kami spoke.
“Alas, my poor child!
What dreadful tears you shed!
I shall grant your wish,
But only for a time—
You may travel to this world that you so crave
For thirteen moons, no more.
So promise, then, on the thirteenth moon,
To return to your reality
And conquer the demons
That have enslaved you so!”
And with that, our heroine disappeared,
Whisked into the shining world of
Her little glowing rectangle,
A world known as…
“Heart of Heroes RPG: Master of Reality.”
At once, green grass surrounded her!
At once, blue sky stretched above!
“Ah!”
Cried Ise,
Shaking with joy.
“My lord Kami,
How generous you are!
So long, dear friends,
Sister, Brother,
Mother and Father!
I shall go on this journey,
And return as one born anew!”
So she said and skipped happily off,
A tiny, unassuming speck
Between brilliant seas of emerald and azure.
Those seas, however, were not endless
For in worlds where humanity yet survives,
Rarely is such beauty left pristine.
So before long,
Our lovely Ise stumbled into
An equally lovely town,
Recreance, it was called;
T’was warm, cozy place,
Filled with warm, cozy people,
Dozing in the twilight haze.
“My dear!”
Said a kind old innkeeper,
As Ise passed her by
“Night falls fast!
A young maiden like yourself
Will surely be victim to the awful dragon!”
“My,” began Ise,
Her bright smile fading like the dying sun above,
“A dragon?
What curse is this?
May I not escape fear and sorrow
Even here, in my new reality?”
Bewildered,
The little old innkeeper shook her head.
“My dear, I know not what ails you,
But please, I beg of you,
If home be far away,
And coin be scarce at hand,
Won’t you stay a night in this humble inn here?
I need not payment,
Since I cannot bear to imagine your fate otherwise!”
“Good madam,”
Cried Ise,
“What a kind heart you have!
Then please, forgive me for my untimely intrusion,
For I do fear the horrors of which you speak!”
The innkeeper beamed gladly,
And led young Ise by the hand
To a warm little room,
Nested atop the ruby tiles
Of inn’s wide roof.
“Apologies, my dear,
For these dreadful accommodations—
I’m afraid our customers are too many
To grant you a more luxurious night.”
But as young Ise stepped into the cozy little room,
She could not for the life of her
Understand what “dreadful” should mean!
A blazing fire
Lit up the walls,
Dancing gleefully in its little alcove.
Frosty moonlight
Dripped carefully in,
Bathing the bedsheets in cool silver.
And the stars—oh, the stars!
Real, shining stars,
A world away
From the ghastly yellow imitations of her past!
“Oh, no, no! How perfect it is!”
Shouted our delighted Ise Kai,
“If only—
If only I could stay and never return!”
And with that, she sat down and wept.
Author’s Note:
This epic is essentially a satire on the isekai genre in Japanese animation. The "catalyst" part of it occurs when the main character gets whisked off to game land by god—a common plot device in generic isekai anime that irritates me to no end because of how lazy it is (i.e. there should be a better catalyst for stories of this genre). Also, this is unfinished. Part 2 (maybe) coming soon.
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