I grew up in a world knowing that my life played out differently than others; the whisk of the cool, breezy wind seemingly avoided me. My mother was a ghost-seeker, she lived life in her twenties and thirties chasing something that couldn't be seen or felt, she was a natural at it. That's where she met my Dad. They went on countless adventures together, slowly falling in love every step of the way. Through my mother, I learned my Dad was a fearless, yet compassionate man, hardened by what he went through as a kid. There was an accident when I was around seven, my Dad was never seen again...except by my mother.
From the memories I have of my Dad, he always had a smile on his face. He was the star of my world. My mother on the other hand was always far off, she seemed like she was always filled by her surroundings, never actually focused on one particular thing. She never actually gazed at something strongly, it was as if she was looking through it. The doctors said it was from the ghosts, they had done something to her. For the most part, my early childhood was spent on my Dad's side.
One day, fed up with my mother's indifference, I asked my Dad why he wasn't like my mother. Why could he actually see me? He responded calmly, my mother truly could see ghosts, she was known as a ghost-visionary. My Dad on the other hand only helped my mother in her conquests, he could never see them like she could. He said that was the reason he fell in love with her, she was different from anyone else he had ever met, for the first decade of their relationship she was there, with him in the moment, not a-gaze upon the unseen world. There is only one moment that I am certain my mother saw me. It was like a brief moment of clarity had hit her, she sat in the car with my and my Dad and let out a silver tear, her gaze was warm, nothing I had ever felt before. This was the same day my father died.
I remember the day vividly, we were on the way to the hospital for my mother's bi-weekly check-up when suddenly skkrt-BOOM, a car slammed right onto the side of the car. I woke up, foggy-eyed, in the hospital separated from my parents. I was empty inside, hollow in and out, my mother was the only one there left for me. The biggest shock of the accident, though, was the mental change that happened to my mother. I came to her side, her face instantly filled with fear and awe. She saw me, fully aware. The crash seemed to snap her out of her conscious coma. Her hand ran down my face and arms, smoothly on its way down to avoid any cuts and bruises. At my fathers funeral, I cried for hours on end, my tears started to burn on my cheek, yet my mother stood cold. I thought she forgot my father, her lapses in and out consciousness may have affected her memory after all, could she even remember my name?
Months after the crash, my mother only talked to me. For the first time in my life, my mother was the closest person to me. She was the only person for me. I didn't wander too far from her side and she never wandered outside of the house. I lived in solitude, the only thing keeping me alive was memories of past days, long gone and dead. It was around the same time my mother started to see ghosts again, the main one being my Dad.
She cried after the first time it happened, she seemed to remember what occurred the day of the crash. She couldn't see me, I was a ghost to her again, she refused to come back to me. I begged for her to stop, I was real and she was just imagining my Dad, he was gone! She didn't understand.
Everytime she came back from her world she would beg for me to go away, she said Dad was right, that I shouldn't exist anymore. Why would Dad say that? Why would his ghost try to get rid of me? From what I knew ghosts were not evil, they were just connected to the real world and refused to let go. I hated him! My mother no longer looked at me, I was gone,
Unconnected
Unseen.
That's when it all clicked.
The only ghost was me...I was never here to begin with, I mean I was, but not anymore. My Dad never died...I did. I refused to let go of my mother, she was the only one who could see me. That's why she didn't cry at the funeral, that's why she was shocked to see me, that's why my Dad begged my mother to forget me. I haunted her, she could only see me, everyone else was gone for her. But it was all over now, the earthly string detached me from her, I was gone. For good. As I slowly floated away, I saw my Dad again, he was holding my mother with tears in his eyes. My mom looked up to me one last time, her embrace was different from the others, it was warm and blazed through the air. A smile came out as the wind pushed me away.
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