Illusion | Avnee Deo (9)

You look in the mirror

Noticing the changes 

Stomach bigger, muscles drooping, curvy but not enough

But you suck it in, act confident

After all, life is an illusion

By sunset you get home

Bag already off, socks across the room

Groping around for your phone, the only one thing consistently there

Your parents always say ‘Friends come and go’

But nothing ever prepares you for high school fallouts

You try to make amends, pretend you fit in

After all, life is an illusion

At night, you’re tossing and turning

The phone screen glaring back at you

Perfect bodies, perfect lives, perfect relationships

You wonder why everything can’t be like that

Pristine with little hitches

But you have to remind yourself that it isn't like that

After all, life is an illusion

As time goes on, the past comes to haunt you

Not hard, but not gently either

Those so called ‘friends’ are there

calling you loud

even though they’re just jealous

of how brightly you fill the room

You start to get quieter

Your light becomes faded

But you plaster on artificial lights anyways 

laughter and smiles as your mind crumbles

After all, life is an illusion

As time goes on, the supports fall

A great pantheon of happiness, reduced to rubble

Enough to survive, but not enough to live

But no one will never see under that mask

After all, life is an illusion

But soon, life changes

New sights, new sounds

New people all around

Everyone looks so...happy

But you know firsthand that looks aren’t real

So you withdraw, repeating the mantra

After all, life is an illusion

Life goes on, forced to participate

 Only surviving, not thriving

Like a wilted leaf on a luscious tree’s branch

But no one needs to know

After all, life is an illusion

Time passes and you start to re-grow

You find people who aren’t just there

But actually with you

The fine line between sympathy and empathy

However, your past scars start to re-appear

But its fine

Plaster on half-there bandaids and keep going

After all, life is an illusion

Your branches start to grow

The autumn comes and your old shriveled leaves fall

Giving way to new, bold blossoms

Your roots still have scars

Some old, some new

But they can heal

Until then, you keep the flowers growing

After all, life is an illusion

Soon enough, your tree blooms

Your brightness regained, luminous as the morning sun

You take up space again

You heal the havoc that as been sowed

And no longer do you believe

After all, life is an illusion

You start looking in the mirror again

Not at the stretch marks or changing body

But at the beauty of your uniqueness

At your perfectly built body, a figure you inherited from your family

You eyes, hair, and smile

All attributes that make you so much more radiant

And while scanning for all the perfections, your eyes lock onto the reflection

Tiny cracks start to form on the mirror

Fragments shed, revealing the true light

Your mind goes silent

Illusion broken

And there

You finally see yourself

The truth.