The Illusion of Love | Genesis Choi (9)

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you is a powerful statement. But relationships and love don’t always start with an I or a love or a you. It simply starts with a crush. A crush can be magical, rushes of excitement, smiles, and possibilities. Yet, something so extraordinary that makes you so happy could end up being the knife in disguise. The truth is that beneath the glow of a crush lies one of the most powerful illusions of all time. It’s not the illusion of love..simply a crush. In the moment, the heart beating like a drum, the eyes gleaming when you speak about them, and the look of no flaws you see them, mirrors the longing of wanting. 

I want you.

I want you.

I want you.

The way your hair looks in the classroom lights. The way you laugh with me at weird jokes. The way my eyes graze past your brown eyes. I mean your so perfect it’s like I love you. I love you? Why does somebody sound, look, and act so perfect when nobodies supposed to be perfect..right? But, that doesn’t matter. I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

I…love you?

It’s crazy how love can change in a moment from love to indifference. But if I still care am I still indifferent? Walking across the halls, staring at your face how can you be so perfect. I shouldn’t but I do. It isn’t meant to be. I’m not good enough. I’m not perfect. People say right person, wrong time. But is it ever the right time? We walk past each other like it was never a thing. Like we never stared at each other looking past the boulders that separated us. The image plagues my mind. Slight flings, slight looks, and the most subtle acknowledgement of love. It was so small yet now it’s gone.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

I really do. But why can’t we be what we so long to be. The tiny smiles are still there. But something is missing. I don’t feel jealous when I see you laugh with another I feel..nothing. I no longer care to feel desperate. I no longer walk faster to talk with you. And my heart no longer beats. My mind feels numb. Yet, why do my eyes still roam the room searching for yours. An image that was so big, pounding on my door, the love that I had hidden in the door has the key now lost. But the memories won’t go I’m still tied to the past.

I miss you.

I miss you.

I miss you.

Do I miss you or the person I think you are? In fact do I really even know you? Why do I still miss you.

I’m tired.

I’m tired.

I’m tired.

Why did you have to look so perfect. Why did you have to be so close but so far out of reach? Why did I have to fall for the one illusion I swore I would never again. The illusion of love. I love you.