It was getting dark while I walked home. I was spent. That guy from the student council wouldn’t stop nitpicking about our presentation. My mind kept complaining. Why did I go to the library? To listen to him talk? I should’ve just finished the presentation at home. His obnoxious voice kept ringing in my head and my massive backpack was making me exhausted. I needed to take a break.
Between the school and my apartment, there was a sightseeing spot near the park. It hovered high above a glistening lake. I always glanced at the lake when I passed by. It was beautiful, even at night. I sat down on the pavement to rest, but then I noticed there was someone else.
A girl crouched over with her knees to her chest. She was watching through the railing bars, looking down at the lake. She looked so peaceful, but her complexion was pale. She was wearing the same school uniform as me, but I didn’t recognize her.
What are you doing here, I asked.
She turned to look at me. I couldn’t read her expression. She didn’t say a thing, but she kept eye contact with me. I stared at her as we both stayed silent. She was beautiful but she was so thin.
I felt myself getting uncomfortable. Sighing, I reached into my bag and took out the sandwich I bought during lunch that I was saving for later.
Take it, I said, you're too skinny, you need to eat more. I tried to sound cool and approachable, but the awkwardness between us ruined it.
She dragged her backpack across the pavement and sat next to me. I sat quietly, staring at the ground as she ate and listening to the crumpling of the sandwich wrapper when she was done.
Thanks, she said out of nowhere. She said it in such an empty tone.
I was a little surprised that she said something. She didn't smile at all, but she looked so elegant like an angel. Something so sweet and captivating that I found myself drawn to her.
We talked for a while after that, about school and classes and such. It was mostly just small talk. It was getting late. I should go home. I told her I would walk her home and asked her where she lived, but she didn't seem to have an answer. I knew something was wrong when I saw her hesitance. Maybe she ran away from home, but I didn’t ask. She looked helpless, so I ended up inviting her over to my apartment. I couldn't help it.
Mom seemed happy to meet a new friend of mine, although I wasn't sure if we could be considered friends just yet. She said her name was Violetta. We stayed in my room and did homework together. I let her eat dinner at my place and borrow my clothes and sleep on my bed. That night, I asked Violetta, why were you at that lake? I remembered she looked like an emotionless doll with no sense of purpose. I wondered if she had a reason for anything she did.
I don't know, was all she said.
Ah, forget it. I didn't want to pester her about every small detail, but I was really curious. Violetta was too strange. I didn't get her, not one bit.
Over the next few months, Violetta would come over to my apartment every day after school. My parents were usually at work, so it was just the two of us. We did our homework, played games, watched television, or just talked about trivial matters. We didn't have much in common. She didn't have much in common with anyone, really. She rarely showed emotion and rarely said a thing, and I hated it. But, we grew closer and I felt a sense of comfort whenever I was with her. I always found myself wanting to know more about her.
At school, I would hang out with my friends like normal. After school, though, I could only think about Violetta. Whenever she wore an expression that was slightly different than usual, whenever she talked in a sweeter tone than usual, whenever the way she moved was livelier than usual. Whenever she did anything different, I felt my heart thump louder and my breathing grow heavier. Those little things were normal for any other person, but Violetta was different. She was so unusual. I wanted to see a different side of her, maybe a side that was more human. Most of the time, she still acted like a robot. But, I noticed the subtle differences every now and then. It made me want more that I could overdose on it without a second thought.
It was the beginning of spring, and she said it would be her birthday soon. I realized that I still knew nothing about her. We’ve spent all this time together, but I never noticed until then that she never really talked about herself. Even after all those months we’ve known each other. So, I wasn’t sure what she liked or what she didn’t like. The day of her birthday, she came over to my place as she always did.
We talked like usual as she played with my hair. It rained a lot just two days ago, I said, but isn't it really sunny today?
Yeah, she said quietly while stroking my hair.
We never go out, though. I paused, then started again. How about we go outside today? We could probably use some more sunlight.
She smiled just a little. Okay, she said, after I braid your hair.
I didn’t think she would agree. Her skin was so pale, I imagined her as a vampire who was afraid of the sun. But, she sounded really happy, so I was surprised. The usual Violetta never expressed herself, not even the slightest bit. My heart raced after hearing the bit of enthusiasm in her voice.
We went outside to a nearby park. The sun was blinding, but the warmth was comforting. I watched Violetta poke at the dirt for bugs. I searched for bugs with her and we collected ants and beetles and other small bugs.
I picked up a woodlouse and stared at Violetta. I wanted to tease her a little. I dropped the woodlouse on her back, and she seemed taken aback. She started throwing bugs at me in playful retaliation. When we ran out of bugs, we threw dirt. Suddenly, I saw the look on Violetta's face. She looked happier than I'd ever seen her, it was breathtaking. In my moment of distraction, I took a face full of dirt.
We washed up after having played with dirt. Violetta, who did something so unrefined, still looked so elegant. I didn’t think it was possible. Violetta apologized to me, but I didn’t mind that I got dirt on my face. She seemed so happy, there’s no way I could be angry.
We spent some time finishing homework. After having seen such an expression on Violetta, I couldn't help but notice everything she did. Every movement of her eyebrows. Whenever she concentrated on her book. Whenever she rubbed her lips along the edge of her bookmark. The way she played with her hair. I tried to distract myself, but I ended up glancing in her direction every time.
There was a knock on the door. I opened it and saw a man I didn't know. He looked kind of scary.
Where’s Violetta, he asked, I'm here to pick her up.
Was this her dad? He didn’t look like her. I went to my room to fetch Violetta. Before she left, I gave her a red bracelet, since it was her birthday. I braided it out of thread. I knew it wasn’t much, but she took it with a grateful look on her face. When she left, I noticed her face grow emotionless again.
Violetta hadn’t shown up for a few days after that. I wondered where she was. She showed up at my door after a couple of days. I noticed a bruise that hadn’t yet healed on her face. I asked her what happened, and she said Jon hit her.
Who's Jon, I asked.
The man I left with yesterday, she said.
Wasn't that your dad?
She shook her head. Jon kept asking where I’ve been spending so much time, so I told him. So he picked me up from your apartment. He told me to stop hanging out with other people. He wants me to go home immediately after school. Sorry.
So you’re leaving?
Sorry. This is the last time. I’m here to say bye.
I just shook my head, struggling to form words. We’ve been hanging out for over seven months and he didn’t say anything about it before?
Sorry, she said again, I recently started living with Jon. Before, it was another man.
She just stared at me the whole time, she didn’t look fazed. I felt sick. What a gross guy. Who did he think he was that he had the right to interfere? I wanted to vomit, but I just stood there.
Can I come inside, she asked. She didn’t sound the least bit concerned about how I felt. I hated it.
Do whatever you want, I turned away and went to my room and she followed.
I spent some time with my head buried in my knees. I didn’t say a thing. Violetta was sitting next to me, staring at me. How creepy. I didn’t want to look at her. She was seriously the worst.
When Violetta held onto my hand, I finally turned to face her. Her expression was still icy. I reached my hand out and brushed her hair behind her ears. She really was beautiful. I looked down and she was wearing the red bracelet I gave her. Seriously, what’s up with that?
I know you’re mad, she said bluntly, please forgive me.
I didn’t know what to say, so I kept silent. How could she say sincere words in such a thoughtless way?
You’re the only person in this world who doesn’t treat me like an inconvenience, she continued, I don’t want to leave you forever. I hope you’ll wait for me.
She held my hands close to her chest. A bittersweet expression spread across her face. Her body, which was usually so tense, relaxed and she held my palm up to her cheek.
Thank you, you saved my life.
I wanted to ask her what she meant, but my mind was blank. What am I supposed to say to that? Did that mean Violetta only had me? Could the same be said for me? In the back of my mind, I knew I could live without her. I was just being selfish and wanted her for myself.
Before she left, Violetta hugged me from behind. Her chest pressed against my back. I felt my heart race and an anxious and overwhelming feeling well up throughout my entire body. I was enchanted by her tender gestures, but I knew she would leave and go live with an older man who hit and beat her, and I wouldn't be able to see her. I didn’t want that.
She kissed the back of my ear and I felt her warm breath above my ear. My mind felt fuzzy and it was hard to control my breathing. Then I felt a sharp pain.
Ah.
I lifted my slightly trembling hands and cupped them over my ear. Blood ran down my ear and down my jawline. Violetta was delicately holding between her fingers a piece of flesh covered in her saliva.
What the hell? She was smiling so sweetly at me.
A smile so cute it was aggravating. A smile so pretty it irritated me. A smile so absurd but I couldn’t even laugh. A smile so bewildering but I couldn’t even cry. A smile so grotesque but I couldn’t keep my eyes off it.
She held onto my hand again. Her hands were so warm.
Wait for me, she said, please. I will come back to you, I promise. Then, she left. All I could do was stare in disbelief the entire time. I couldn’t understand her at all, not for a second, no matter how hard I tried.
I didn’t tell anyone about what happened. I made sure no one saw my ear, hiding it under my hair wherever I went. I hated Violetta. She left without explaining a single thing to me. Still, I didn’t want her to get in trouble if someone were to find out what she did. I still felt the need to protect her. Why? How frustrating.
Violetta would send me a letter every week or so. Her handwriting was elegant like she was, but she wrote things I didn't want to see. She wrote about Jon hitting her or yelling at her, then apologizing and saying that he was just looking out for her. She wrote about getting sick and vomiting. She wrote about not eating well. Then she would tell me she missed me. She never even addressed what happened that day, she just acted like it didn’t even happen. Was I a joke to her? After a while, I stopped reading those letters. Even in writing, she sounded so emotionless. I didn't get it.
I never saw Violetta at school. We didn’t have any classes together and we never seemed to cross paths. Maybe she was avoiding me. I waited for the school’s spring festival to see if she’d be there. She didn’t come. She said she’d come back to me, but each time, another day would pass of nothing happening. Why did she write me letters if she didn’t even want to see me? No, when did I get so stuck up on losers? A girl who had no friends, a girl who couldn’t communicate properly, a girl who relied on the money of old men. No, no way. I shook my head, trying to shake her off my mind. I should just forget about her.
One day Violetta showed up at my door. All she said was my name. It had been over three months since I last saw her. It was the middle of summer, but she was in her school uniform. She was still beautiful and she still looked like a doll. Her voice was still emotionless and her movements were still stiff. She still wore that red bracelet. I was too surprised. I didn’t think she would actually come back. I couldn’t push a single word out my throat, so I just silently let her in.
I sat on the couch and watched television while Violetta lay her head on my shoulder. Neither of us said anything. We just watched television until it got boring and I turned it off.
I wanted to sleep. I felt like I was hallucinating and it was making me tired. Then Violetta held onto my wrist and led me out the door. I could feel her warm yet frail hands around my wrist. I wasn’t dreaming. I didn’t know where she was taking me. Maybe she wanted to bite off a piece of my ear again, or something else unpredictable. But, my heart was beating so fast, so I just allowed her to drag me by my wrist. I didn’t resist. I didn’t want her to let go.
The sky was turning dark late in the afternoon. I followed Violetta until we were at the lake where we first met. The lake was still beautiful, but it looked even more extraordinary that day. We stared at it for a while.
There will be fireworks tonight, Violetta finally spoke.
Ah, was all that escaped my mouth. I cleared my throat, embarrassed that I couldn’t speak properly.
Ah. What about that Jon guy, I asked.
Violetta paused, then said, I broke up with him.
Really? Is that really okay? With a guy like him?
No. He got mad and started throwing stuff. Then he told me to piss off.
I nodded as I listened to her speak. That man was so childish it was almost hilarious. I felt seriously relieved that she left him. But I also felt annoyed. That guy, Jon, he was so annoying. He should just die.
We sat there in silence, but it was comforting. The fireworks went off and we watched them burst into bright colors. They were so pretty. Eventually, the fireworks lessened and they stopped. After that, Violetta and I started talking like we used to. We didn’t talk about anything important. We just talked about this and that.
After a while, Violetta stood up. It’s getting late, she said, You should go home. She’s right. My parents were probably back from work by now.
I got up and then I stopped. You don't have anywhere to go, right? You should stay at my place.
Violetta stared at the ground. She shook her head. No, she said, it’s okay. You don’t have to do anything.
I tried to argue, but she said that she’d be fine and that she’d find somewhere to go. I was frustrated. There’s no way she was thinking of getting together with another guy that she didn’t even love, right? Violetta was too confusing. She did too many things that didn’t make sense.
As I was feeling disheartened, Violetta held onto my hands. She leaned forward and kissed my lips. She was so sweet, I couldn’t even be mad. What can I even do? My heart was threatening to explode, but then I froze. Tears ran down Violetta’s cheeks. Her expression didn’t change much, but she looked like she was in so much pain. I reached my hand to wipe her tears but she shook her head.
It's okay, you can go home, she said, I want to stay here for a bit longer.
I hesitated but I left. I felt uneasy and I felt a sense of guilt crawling down my spine. Everything about that moment seemed so ominous, I wanted to turn back. It was the first time I’d ever seen Violetta cry. Did she always feel like she wanted to cry? I realized Violetta was unhappy no matter what I did. No matter what I did, I couldn’t understand her feelings or her thoughts or anything. I wish she had bitten me to the very bone of my neck until I suffocated.
That night, all that I loved and hated about Violetta sank to the bottom of that lake.
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