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your life i missed | Brendan Wang

In a corner of the alley you lied abandoned

In the rain you were drenched

In the cold you shivered

In the gloom you sobbed like a baby


In a day they found you

In a day they took you to the authorities

In a day they said you were left astray

In a month you found a new home abroad


In a year you learned to crawl

In a year you learned to speak

In a year you began eating solid food

In three years you started walking


In a decade you grew into a pretty girl

In a decade you learned the truth

In a decade you asked why me?

In a decade or more you began searching

In twenty or so years you had graduated

In twenty or so years you found a man

In twenty or so years you cried and cried

In thirty years you saw a photo


In fifty years your adoptive parents passed

In fifty years you grieved

In fifty years you felt so alone and down

In fifty or so years you knew it was time


In sixty years we met and we hugged

In sixty years I cried for missing your first step

In sixty years I cried for missing your first word

In sixty years I cried for giving you up


Fifty or so years ago I knew you were adopted

Fifty years ago I grieved

Fifty years ago I felt alone to know you did even more

Fifty years ago I thought it was time


Thirty years ago I glimpsed at your baby photo

Twenty or so years ago my eyes were the Red Sea

Twenty or so years ago I lost your father

Twenty or so years ago I thought that you must’ve graduated


A decade ago I always came back to the alley

A decade ago I told myself I would never forgive myself

A decade ago I knew the truth would be reached sooner or later

A decade ago I longed to see you that came out of my womb


Three years ago I stopped walking

A year ago I stopped eating solid food

A year ago my words became murmurs

A year ago I crawled into my bed aching of grief


A month ago I heard you were coming back home

A day ago I heard that you were coming to see me

A day ago the authorities told me my baby was coming home

A day ago I found you again


In the gloom of the room, I smiled

In the cold of the room I felt warm

In the rain outside the window I felt dry

In the corner you showed your mom mercy


In the corner you embraced

the mom who missed your life

who abandoned you in the alley

sixty years ago.

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