I stood facing two looming steel doors towering over me. I pressed my hand against the cold metal and stared at the number engraved into the doors. One. To think that such a simple number dictated my first years of life. To think this number was the bane of my existence. To think… that this was the last time I was going to face the cruel one imprinted on the stubborn steel.
I lowered my gaze from the number to look down at the engraved messages on the foreboding metal doors: 01-20-xx, 03-04-xx, 10-01-xx. This collection of different dates covered the lower portion of the steel doors, some dates scrawled on top of others as space had begun to run out. I scanned the doors and the numbers I had etched in many years ago, 04-24-xxxx. I sighed while dusting off my hands onto my worn denim overalls and readjusted my matching hat. I stood to face the doors with a sardonic grin. One filled with anguish and frustration at the wall in front of me; the wall that had plagued my thoughts since day one.
I was finally going to walk past the doors to behold “Paradise”, to behold what I had only heard about in stories and read in books - to behold the physical manifestation of happiness. I wanted the universe beyond the wall to leave me speechless. Given the box I grew up in, I couldn’t think of anything worse. Gazing at the doors in anticipation, my mind full with expectation for what I would see behind the cold doors. My eyes glimmered with wonder at the possibilities. Perhaps I would see blinding beauty. Perhaps I would see others waiting to welcome me to a prosperous world behind the doors. Perhaps I would see—
The sound of grinding gears stopped my train of thought. It’s finally happening, I thought to myself as the ground began to tremble and the shifting walls sent vibrations through the ground. I struggled to keep my balance, as I gawked at the walls which were slowly inching apart.
An inch. Two inches. Then a foot. Until the gap between the two doors was finally wide enough for me to squeeze through. I apprehensively stepped past the dense doors into a long hallway leading to another door. Perhaps it lies behind this door? I questioned as I made my way towards the end of the corridor. The walls were made of the same steel as the massive doors. I brushed the back of my hand against the wall, feeling the cold material against my skin. The passage smelled of oil and rusted metal which likely came from the gears that controlled the doors.
I reached halfway when the ground started rumbling, and I could hear the sound of gears behind me once more. I turned back to notice the doors had begun to close again. I froze in my tracks. My breathing slowly becoming more rapid and the sound of my beating heart echoed through the chamber. I stood in a panic, debating whether to run back to the place I knew or go forth forwards to the door, beyond which I didn’t know what lies. I took a deep breath as I watched the gap narrow before turning back in the direction of the unknown. It can’t be worse than before, I reassured myself.
As I neared the second set of doors, a look of dread slowly descended upon my face. Incoherent scribblings on the bottom of the wall slowly came into view. As I drew nearer, I realized that these engravings featured dates exactly like on the last door. My expression turned to horror as the situation became clear. I hesitantly looked upwards near the top of the doors, confirming my suspicions. Two. Yet another number engraved into yet another set of doors. I sat down speechless. One by one, tears began to trickle down, dragging along my face before plummeting on the floor. Yet my face remained expressionless as I stared in front of me. The thundering of the gears in the background continued as the original doors finished closing. The rumbling doors were laughing at my disappointment and seemingly mocked me for being so naive. On that day, I learned that not all doors lead to wonder, and some paths we may regret. And perhaps most importantly: the higher we raise our expectations, the further we fall, and sometimes what lies behind the door is nothing at all.
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