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programmed \\ Sarah Liao

A pitch dark sky, a hidden moon.

Sturdy trees, wispy clouds.

A gust of wind, a sea of grass.

Behind the curtains, lies a pair of sleeping kids

nuzzling warm, fluffy blankets. Dreaming of make-believe worlds.

A quiet Earth. A calm Earth.

Tranqui-

beep.

-ility.

Life itself is sound asle-

beep.

-ep.

Beep.

BEEP.

BEEEEEEP!

Stumbling, half asleep, I shut the alarm.

Stumbling, half asleep, I head to the bathroom.

Stumbling, half asleep, I wake up my sister.

I get dressed. I eat breakfast. I catch the bus. I head to school.


RING!!!

Class begins. I pull out my instrument. I set up my music. And I play.

RING!!!

Class ends. Two parallel streams of endless people travel through the hallway. Chatter and excitement is all around me as I float along the current.

RING!!!

The teacher begins her lecture. Diligently, I copy what she writes on her board as the students around me joke among themselves.

RING!!!

I enter a room full of students already seated. I turn on the monitor and begin working.

RING!!!

In the following lines, please explain how the government is able to-

RING!!!

“Everyone please complete the assignment on Google Classroom before class is over.”

RING!!!

RINGGG!!!

RINGGGGG!!!

RINGGGGGGG!!!

I lock up my locker, hoist my bookbag over my shoulder, and head to the bus.


I plop down on my chair and stare at my endless To-Do List. I breathe in and out.

I pick up my pencil and begin working.

…4:00pm

…4:30pm

…5:00pm

…5:30pm

…6:00pm

…6:30pm


My finger falters and the pencil once in my hand drops onto my desk.

I slam my notebook, filled with unfinished problems, in between my textbook.

I lift up my head.

The sky... It’s pitch dark.

How is it nighttime already?

My chest tightens-

I still have so much left to do

My leg shakes anxiously-

I have to finish this

Tears well up in my eyes-

I have to finish… calm down

I need to finish… calm down

I CAN’T FINISH-

Calm down

Calm down?

Calm down

Calm down.


…7:00pm

…8:30pm

…10:00pm

….11:30pm

….1:00am


My exhausted body collapses onto my bed

And I drift off into a dreamless sleep….


Beep.

BEEP.

BEEEEEEP!

Stumbling, half asleep, I shut the alarm.

Stumbling, half asleep, I head to the bathroom.

Stumbling, half asleep, I wake up my sister.

I get dressed. I eat breakfast. I catch the bus. I head to school.


Class starts and ends.

Again.

And again.

School’s over. I’m home.

Do my homework, eat my dinner, head to bed...


The voices tell me that I should sleep earlier

I know…

The voices tell me that I need to be more productive

I know...

The voices tell me that I need to find the time to relax

I know...

The voices tell me that I need to calm down

The voices tell me that I need to-

I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW-


Then why?

Why aren’t you sleeping earlier?

I… I have too much

Why aren’t you being productive?

I- I’m trying

Why aren’t you finding time to relax?

I have no time

You should calm down-

IM TRYING IM TRYING BUT I-

I-

I CAN’T.

.

.

.

.

.


The sun rises

I don’t want to wake up

School starts

I don’t want to be here

School ends

I don’t want to go home and work

The sun sets


Bleeding…

The days bleed into each other.

Bleeding…

I’m bleeding from self-inflicted wounds.

I’m cut,

bruised,

scratched,

help

help

HELP.

.

.

.

Like a machine, I work.

I work every minute

of every hour

of every day

of every week

But…

I’m not a machine.

I’m human.

And I’m tired...


BEEP.

It’s morning once more

And I have to do it all over again.



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