thankful for you ruining my happiness | Hannah Kendall (10)

11 years. For 11 years, it was me being “best friends” with you. 6 years of the friendship was everything I could’ve asked for in a friend. The last 5 years were 5 years of me wondering what I was doing wrong and what was wrong with me; questioning my worth. I tricked myself into thinking things would get better. 5 years that lasted for a thousand instead. The pictures we took are still in my phone and my closet, the memories we made are still engraved in my brain, and the laughs we shared are still played through my head over and over again. My mind is suffocated with questions and thoughts, wondering what I did wrong for you to treat me like I was worth less than. We have been friends since preschool. I watched you turn from being a bright kid to a thoughtless, inconsiderate human being. I should’ve let you go from the start, but I wanted it to last for as long as possible. We would create our wedding plans together, talk about naming our children after each other, and our families were best friends. You never made me feel seen or heard. I was just in your life for you to play with when you were bored. You brushed me off time and time again without caring enough to consider how I felt. You said you were sorry and you would change after I told you how I felt. Instead, you ended up being the most manipulative person I know. My pain got brushed off like nothing had ever happened. I did everything I could for you and it felt as though I was sacrificing my happiness just so you could stay in my life for a little longer. For 5 years, I’ve always wanted to let you go, but after countless times, I came running back to you because I was friends with you for almost my whole life and I was not used to not being friends with you. Now, I have to see you every day in the hallways and just walk past you like we are complete strangers. It sends agony down my spine. We stopped being friends in April, but I can’t get used to it. I was finally able to turn away and never come back. I made new friends during the process and realized my self worth. Although being friends with you has been one of the most mentally draining and hardest things I’ve dealt with, I learned lessons and became the happiest I’ve ever been. I created many more friends after realizing how much you were holding me back. I’m thankful for you ruining my happiness for those 5 years.